Sex and Sexuality in Islam

by **samirisaoui** Tue Mar 11, 2014 9:57 am

by Muslim Women's League
September 1995
Even though it comprises only part of our identities, the sexuality of women represents so much more; such that women's sexuality has been viewed as something to be controlled, hidden, or mastered, most often by men. Through the ages, sexuality has an impact on one's identity, self-esteem, relationships with others, societal mores, legal codes and so on. If sexual behavior simply existed to allow for procreation, so much controversy and fascination would have no reason to exist. Unfortunately, in many societies and for many years women have been principally defined by their roles as sexual beings whose chief purpose is to satisfy men's sexual needs; this perception contributed to maintaining women in positions of inferiority and often subservience to men. Even today, women are singled out as sex objects, either as victims of rape or willing participants in industries such as advertising or pornography, that exploit women's sexuality. The purpose of this chapter is to explore important issues of sexuality from an Islamic point of view in an effort to expose demeaning cultural habits which have no basis in Islam, and to offer alternative understandings of these issues based on the primary sources of Qur'an and Hadith.
Historical Perspective
The view of sexuality as taboo and shameful is by no means unique to any particular religious or ethnic group. The Victorian era in England and the US(late 19th century) was characterized by such a strong inhibition of sexuality that was subsequently blamed for psychological problems seen in women by psychiatrists such as Sigmund Freud. Breaking free from the oppressiveness of that era was an important goal for women through most of the 20th century since the prevailing attitudes were not confined to sexual issues as women were denied many other essential human rights. Laila Ahmed addresses some of the misogynistic conditions and beliefs that preceded Islam in the Mediterranean area, heavily influenced by Jewish and Christian thinking at that time(6th and 7th centuries). She points out "the church's attitude on abortion and contraception ...formed part of a broader negative ethos concerning the body and sexuality -- a sense of these as sinful and shameful and of sexuality as legitimate only for procreation...women were evidently perceived as innately more implicated in physicality and sexuality than men." (Women and Gender in Islam, p.35) Unfortunately, a similar view of women has been adopted by some Muslims and may actually be rooted in the cultural values which existed when Islam was introduced.
Sexual Development
Human sexual development goes through several well-defined stages. Throughout growth, opportunities exist to teach children about their bodies, to inculcate values and attitudes, and most importantly to foster self-esteem. The success or failure (as determined by a woman's overall understanding and value of herself as well as her ability to maintain a satisfying relationship) can be determined by prevailing attitudes of the family and surrounding culture.
Early Childhood
Sexual development occurs throughout the life-cycle, beginning in infancy and childhood. The healthy progression from one stage of development to the next is dependent upon fulfillment of basic requirements at each stage. For example, an infant must develop trust that the caregiver will consistently respond to her cries before she can safely venture into the world and test the budding independence of toddlerhood. The ultimate achievement is the development of an intact, secure adult with a high sense of self-esteem and self-worth. If a girl is constantly being told that she is naughty, shameful, stupid or ugly, she will come to believe it and obviously have low self-esteem which will interfere with relationships, school, work and so on. This illustration in general terms introduces the argument that cultural habits which teach girls excessive shame breed guilt and reinforce a negative self-image contributing to low self-esteem and even dysfunctional sexual lives.
Pre-puberty
This stage of development has been referred to as the latent stage in Freudian terms. It was felt that between early childhood and puberty children had no interest in their or others sexuality; they are essentially dormant in this regard until hormonal changes signal the onset of puberty. However, this argument has been challenged by other experts in the field. Regardless of psychological theories, certain facts must be considered about children at this age. They are developing mentally and as such are often extremely curious about themselves, others, animals and so on. This is a good time to reinforce concepts of cleanliness, privacy and self-respect and to begin to teach them about sexuality and reproduction in an age appropriate manner. Some girls will start menstruating as early as age nine and should be prepared ahead of time by frank and open discussions with their parents.
Puberty
For many girls, the most significant thing to happen during this time is the onset of menstruation. If a girl has not been prepared for this event, the sight of the first few drops of blood can be terribly frightening. The signs that a girl is entering this stage of development include breast development, growth of hair under the arms and in the pubic area, increase in height and finally onset of menses. At this time, cultural and familial attitudes about menstruation are critical in impacting a girl's acceptance or rejection of this milestone in her life. Because of the rapid rate of change and accompanying sense of awkwardness, adolescents are often insecure and preoccupied with appearances, with a strong desire to be accepted by their peers.
Young Adulthood
This stage is characterized by a heightened interest in and awareness of members of the opposite sex. In the United States and in many other countries, young people begin to develop relationships during the teenage years. Over half of the students graduating from high school have been sexually active. Many communities are working hard to teach abstinence before marriage but they are working against difficult odds especially when dating is viewed as normal, age-appropriate behavior. Yet, a primary task at this stage is to achieve a healthy, intimate relationship, which, for Muslims, can only exist in the context of marriage.
Reproductive Years
Once women become sexually active, they then must deal with issues related to pregnancy, such as attitudes toward child-bearing, timing and spacing of children, and contraception. Ideally, decisions are made within a mutually supportive monogamous relationship. Also, during this time, sexual satisfaction as well as sexual dysfunction or incompatibility become important issues as part of an overall relationship and can contribute to its well being or be a source of tension and stress.
Post-Reproductive Age
Historically, older women and men were considered asexual as aging and sexuality seemed incompatible. Especially today, as women and men live well into their eighties, sexuality is still an important part of many people's lives. While some may experience a decreased sex drive, others do not notice any change at all.
Sense of Shame ('ayb)
Early in life, children become aware of their sexuality even to the point that infants can experience sexual pleasure (see Your Baby and Child, P. Leach, p. 212). Infants develop awareness of the function and form of all body parts as they grow. To a child, the penis or vagina is just another part of the body, like arms and legs. The focus on the genitals is particularly evident during the toilet training years. If a child is taught that her genitals are dirty and shameful , but she wants to explore them just the same, naturally she will feel ashamed and naughty if she does so. Therefore, early on she sees part of herself as negative. Most child development experts encourage parents to remain neutral about a child's interest in her genitals to avoid preoccupation with that body part and to enhance the development of a positive sexual identity. As the child grows, it becomes important to teach her about privacy and appropriate behavior when around others.
Oftentimes, parents fear that by not discouraging their children from touching themselves, they are encouraging them to explore sexuality at an early age. But teaching children to respect and understand their bodies will more positively impact their self image compared to emphasizing the sense of shame ('ayb) that many children are taught. Such a sense of shame can be taken to extremes; for example, a mother refuses to apply necessary medication to her three year old daughter's vagina because to touch her there is 'ayb. Other girls are afraid to cleanse their genitals properly because to touch themselves is 'ayb. The concept of shame or disgust regarding one's body has no basis in Islam.
Menstruation
During adolescence, sexuality becomes of interest to young people as their bodies experience hormonal upheavals which result in physical and emotional changes. Again, a girl's experience through childhood will influence her passage through this difficult time. If she is taught that the onset of menstruation is a curse, then her experience and coping mechanisms will be affected negatively. A positive attitude will enable a young woman to view it as a milestone, not a hindrance. Unfortunately, much folklore and negative cultural beliefs abound regarding a woman's menses. Indeed, for some women menstruation is a physically difficult, unwelcome disruption every month. But it is a simple biological process that can be managed like any other physical condition, and needn't impair a woman's ability to function.
Several hadith exist regarding menstruation. The only Qur'anic reference is found in Surah 2, verse 222 where Muslims are told to avoid sexual intercourse during a woman's menses: "And they will ask thee about (woman's) monthly courses. Say, 'It is a vulnerable condition. Keep, therefore, aloof from women during their monthly courses, and do not draw near unto them until they are cleansed; and when they are cleansed, go in unto them as God has bidden you to do.'"
In a hadith found in Muslim (No. 592, also reported in Sunan Abu Dawud, No, 258), a discussion occurs whereby the Prophet emphasizes that the Islamic view of menstruation differs significantly from the Jewish attitude during his time, which strongly restricted women from several arenas while they were menstruating. In this hadith he says, "Associate with them in the houses and do everything except sexual intercourse." Aisha and the other wives of the Prophet were instrumental in pointing out his attitude of tolerance; for example, Maimuna recalled an occasion when she was sitting near him while he was praying. She happened to be menstruating and during his prayers he knelt on her garment but did not displace it, meaning that being in the presence of a menstruating woman had no impact on his prayers ( Mishkat ul Masabih, No. 550; for other hadith along similar lines see Sunan Abu Dawud, Nos. 212-213, 267-273; Muslim, Nos. 269, 577-588 and Bukhari, Vol. 1, Nos. 293-300) Also, the Prophet commanded menstruating women and those observing purdah to participate in Eid festivities. They sat behind those who prayed but joined in takbir ( Muslim, Nos. 1932-34; Bukhari, Vol.1, No. 321).
Exemptions from Rituals
Today, as in the time of the Prophet, women do not pray or fast while on their menses. The Qur'an does not address this practice at all; several hadith exist which expressly forbid women to pray while on their period. (Sunan Abu Dawud, Nos. 271-287, Bukhari, Vol.1., No.327). Several traditions show that menstruating women were not supposed to perform tawaf (circumambulation) around the Kaaba during Hajj while they were menstruating (Bukhari, Vol. 1, Nos. 302,321,325; al-Muwatta, 20.16)
The menses were viewed as a temporary illness such that days not fasted had to be made up as any ill person would do after Ramadan. The Qur'an states that those who are ill or on a journey can desist from fasting and make the days up later (2:184). There are no hadith which expressly forbid women from fasting while menstruating, but based on the text from the following, one concludes that menstruating women did not fast: Aisha is reported to have said that during menstruation in the time of the Prophet, the women were commanded to complete the fast (abandoned during menses) but were not commanded to complete the (abandoned) prayer (Sunan Abu Dawud, Nos. 262-3, Muslim, Nos. 660-662). Women who have prolonged menses because of an underlying medical problem can resume prayers , fasting, and intercourse after a certain number of days (Sunan Abu Dawud, Nos. 274-306, Bukhari, Vol. 1, Nos. 303,306,322,324).
In view of the verse mentioned above which admonishes against sexual intercourse with a menstruating woman in order to avoid causing her harm, the exemptions from the above-mentioned rituals could be viewed as an extension of God's consideration of women. Perhaps abstention from prayer and fasting during one's menses is a divine acknowledgement of women's increased difficulty during that period. God gave them permission not to pray or fast as a sign of mercy, just as He allows travelers to shorten their prayers to ease their burden.
An Unclean State?
Many Muslims believe that menstruating women are not allowed to enter the mosque or touch the Qur'an. This relates to the view of the menstruating woman as unclean. Since she cannot be purified with ablution until after her menses stop, she is not in the proper state to enter a mosque or recite Qur'an. Conflicting hadith exist regarding these habits. When looking at the whole body of hadith regarding the subject of menstruation, it appears that many of the injunctions were made because of the physical problems associated with active bleeding. Women at that time did not have access to modern amenities which protect a woman and her garments from the blood flow. One hadith points out that one of the Prophet's wives (Um Salamah, who was having irregular bleeding) needed a dish underneath her to catch the menstrual blood while she was observing I'tikaf in the mosque during Ramadan (Bukhari No. 306, Sunan Abu Dawud, No. 2470, Muslim, No. 2470). Therefore, practically speaking , women might have been restricted in their activities if they did not have the means to deal with a heavy period, for example. Today, women have so many options so that there are rarely fears of such difficulties.
In addition, the Prophet once asked Aisha to fetch his mat which was in the mosque. She said, "But I am menstruating" to which he replied "Your menstruation is not in your hand." (Sunan Abu Dawud, No. 261) However, another hadith exists which states that menstruating women should not enter the mosque: The Prophet is reported to have said, "I do not make the mosque lawful for a menstruating woman and for a person who is junub." (Sunan Abu Dawud, No. 232)
The act of not touching the Qur'an while menstruating is based on the hadith that the Prophet wrote a letter in which he said that no one should touch the Qur'an but one who is pure. (Mishkat-ul-Masabih, No. 465;). Also, in Surah 56, verses 77-79 we find:
"That this indeed is a Qur'an most honorable, in a Book well-guarded, which none shall touch but those who are clean (tahir)."
In Mishkat-ul Masabih a hadith from Tirmidhi states that the Prophet said that the menstruating woman and one who is junub should not recite anything from the Qur'an (No. 461). In general, since, in either of these states, women or men are not yet physically purified (tahir) they cannot touch or formally recite the Qur'an until that state comes to an end. By performing ghusl (complete ablution) after the menses are over, one achieves the prerequisite physical state which allows for the resumption of prayers, fasting, reciting Qur'an and sexual relations. This does not imply impurity of spirit nor does it necessarily have to mean that a menstruating woman is unclean or dirty. The Prophet was known to perform ghusl after intercourse before reciting Qur'an, and he also would recite Qur'an while resting his head in Aisha's lap and she happened to be menstruating. (Mishkat, No. 460, Muslim, Nos. 260, 591)
The "Deficiency" of Hadith
It is possible to understand why Muslims might view menses as a negative aspect of the female identity. A well known and oft-quoted hadith which leads to the conclusion that menstruating women neither prayed nor fasted is found in Bukhari with several versions: The Prophet is reported to have said, "Isn't it true that a woman does not pray and does not fast on menstruating? And that is the defect in her religion (Vol. 3, No. 172, see also Vol. 1, No. 301). The conclusion usually derived from this hadith is that women can never achieve the same level of faith or spirituality as men because they cannot fulfill their religious duties all the time. The weakness in this argument and therefore in the hadith is that it contradicts the undisputed image expressed in the Qur'an of women and men as equal in terms of their duties and expectations as Muslims, servants of God. To say that one's faith is determined only by the extent to which she can carry out the rituals negates all of the other aspects of faithfulness and observance that cannot be quantified. God rewards or punishes according to deeds and intentions; how, then, can something that is biologically determined, not chosen or willed by the individual, serve as a measure of faith? Would God punish women for something that He created? Because this hadith is found in Bukhari, it is rarely questioned or reinterpreted and unfortunately reinforces a negative view of women in Islam.

Therefore, in addition to some of the physical realities that make menstruation unpleasant for some women, a general negative interpretation of Islamic literature may contribute to an overall sense of distaste regarding a normal bodily function which further promotes a negative self-image of women. Indeed, in Yusuf Ali's translation of Surah 2 verse 222, reads as follows: "They ask you concerning women's courses. Say: They are a hurt and a pollution (azan) ...." The same word "azan" translated by Yusuf Ali as "hurt and pollution" is translated by Muhammad Asad as "a vulnerable condition." To the person reading in English, each translation has an entirely different effect.
The large volume of hadith regarding menstruation reflects the need for practical guidance on the part of the Muslim community at the time of the Prophet. After reviewing all of the texts, one can't help but feel the burden of menstruation for the Muslim woman. Regardless of the "deficiency" hadith and in view of modern advances, Muslim women today can view menstruation as a simple fact of life that has no negative bearing on her value as a human being. Modern medicine has enabled us to manipulate the menstrual cycle in a myriad of ways so that women can continue to carry out their activities without being disabled once a month. Indeed, many women take advantage of medical technology to avoid menstruating during Hajj which, for many, is truly a once in a lifetime event not to be missed because of bad timing.
Virginity and the Hymen: The Double Standard
Throughout childhood and adolescence, girls are sometimes prohibited by their parents from engaging in any activities that might interfere with the integrity of the hymen which is a small circular membrane at the opening of the vagina which allows the passage of menstrual flow. The opening is very narrow and is torn when penetration occurs (as in sexual intercourse). This is occasionally accompanied by bleeding. Such blood loss has been required in some cultures to prove that the woman is a virgin at marriage so a blood stained cloth would be given to the groom's family on the wedding night to verify the bride's pure state. If a woman did not bleed, the repercussions could be severe. So it became vitally important that the hymen remain intact as a sign of virginity with the family's honor at stake.
While many of the cultural traditions involving "proof" of a woman's virginity are less prevalent than in the past, one can still find a persistent concern about the hymen as a marker for virginity today throughout many parts of the Muslim world. (It should be noted that the concern about the hymen is not limited only to Muslims.) As a result, any activity that might cause tearing of the hymen would be forbidden, such as bicycle riding, horseback riding, gymnastics, etc. Unfortunately, the prohibitions against these activities are rarely accompanied by an explanation (most likely due to shyness on the part of the parents); thus, the young girl learns that because she is a girl she cannot participate in activities enjoyed by other children. Again, such an attitude promotes a negative self-image. These attitudes are culturally entrenched and not based on Islam. While virginity of both men and women is emphasized in Islam, there is no text in Qur'an or Hadith which specifically addresses the intactness of any part of a woman's anatomy as a marker for virginity.
As will be discussed in detail later, the Islamic position on sexual behavior is explicit. Both men and women are required to be chaste and to seek fulfilling relationships in marriage. Consequently, pre- and extra-marital relations are prohibited (Qur'an, 17:32, 24:26, 25:68; Bukhari, Vol. 8, Nos. 798-802). Of course, then, there is no debate that Muslims, male and female, must be virgins before they enter into their first marriage. Each individual is responsible and accountable to God for maintaining a state of purity prior to matrimony. Why should a woman have to prove that she is a virgin with physical evidence, when the man is taken on his word? Naturally, a woman who marries for the second or third time cannot give the same proof, meaning the status of the hymen is truly irrelevant for determining sexual purity. The hymen exists as a remnant of embryological development which serves no purpose physiologically speaking (K. L. Moore, The Developing Human). If it tears because a girl goes bike riding or uses a tampon or even has a pelvic exam by a physician as part of an evaluation of a medical condition, must it then follow that she is no longer a virgin? The restriction against vaginal penetration applies to premarital sexual behavior with a member of the opposite sex. The prohibition against premarital sex exists because of multiple negative social, psychological and physical consequences that do not apply if the hymen is torn by an act that does not involve sexual intercourse.
Sexual Fulfillment
An unfortunate consequence of focusing on the shamefulness of sexuality is the inability of many women to enjoy a fulfilling sexual life once married. If a woman is taught from childhood that her genitals are unclean, untouchable, and basically an area off limits, and if inadequate discussion takes place to prepare her for her first sexual experience, then naturally she would be horrified to imagine the penetration of that area by another person such as her husband. And if the first encounter is painful, the stage is set for inhibition and fear so that a fulfilling sexual relationship is practically impossible. Problems that ensue include the inability to consummate a marriage, vaginismus (spasm of the vaginal muscles which causes pain and prevents penile penetration
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