Advice On Dealing With Anger

by **samirisaoui** Sat Jan 11, 2014 3:54 am

Anger is one of the vices of Satan, which leads to so many evils and tragedies, of which only God knows their full extent. Of course anger is a normal characteristic found in all, but the question is how do you deal with it. For this reason, Islam has a great deal to say about the bad characteristic of not controlling one’s anger, and the Prophet (Peace and Blessings of God Be Upon him) described cures for this “disease” and ways to limit its effects, among which are the following:
(1) Seeking refuge with God from Satan:

Sulayman ibn Sard said: “I was sitting with the Prophet (PBUH), and two men were slandering one another. One of them was red in the face, and the veins on his neck were standing out.
The Prophet (saws) said,
‘I know a word which, if he were to say it, what he feels would go away. If he (sincerely) said “I seek refuge with God from the evil of Satan,” what he feels (i.e., his anger) would go away.’” (Reported by al-Bukhari, al-Fath, 6/337)
The Prophet (PBUH) said:
“If a man gets angry and (sincerely) says, ‘I seek refuge with God,’ his anger will go away.” (Saheeh al-Jaami‘ al-Sagheer, no. 695)

(2) Keeping silent:
The Messenger of God (PBUH) said: “If any of you becomes angry, let him keep silent.” ( Imam Ahmad, al-Musnad)
This is because in most cases, the angry person loses self control and could utter words of disbelief (from which we seek refuge with God), or curses, or the word of divorce which would destroy his home, or other words of slander which would bring him the enmity and hatred of others. So, in short, keeping silent is the solution which helps one to avoid all that.
(3) Not moving:
The Messenger of God (PBUH) said: “If any of you becomes angry and he is standing, let him sit down, so his anger will go away; if it does not go away, let him lie down.”
The narrator of this Hadith is Abu Dharr (may God be pleased with him), and there is a story connected to his telling of it: he was taking his camels to drink at a trough that he owned, when some other people came along and said (to one another), “Who can compete with Abu Dharr (in bringing animals to drink) and make his hair stand on end?” A man said, “I can,” so he brought his animals and competed with Abu Dharr, with the result that the trough was broken. (i.e., Abu Dharr was expecting help in watering his camels, but instead the man misbehaved and caused the trough to be broken). Abu Dharr was standing, so he sat down, then he laid down. Someone asked him, “O Abu Dharr, why did you sit down then lie down?” He said: “The Messenger of God (saws) said: . . .” and quoted the hadeeth. ( Musnad Ahmad).
Among the benefits of this advice given by the Prophet (PBUH) is the fact that it prevents the angry person from going out of control, because he could strike out and injure someone, or even kill – as we will find out shortly – or he could destroy possessions and so on. Sitting down makes it less likely that he will become overexcited, and lying down makes it even less likely that he will do something crazy or harmful. The scholar al-Khattaabi, may God have mercy on him, said in his commentary on Aboo Daawood: “One who is standing is in a position to hit something and destroy it, while the one who is sitting is less likely to do that, and the one who is lying down can do neither. It is possible that the Prophet (peace and blessings of God be upon him) told the angry person to sit down or lie down so that he would not do something that he would later regret. And God knows best.”(Sunan Abee Daawood)
(4) Following the advice of the Prophet (saws):

Abu Hurayrah, may Allah be pleased with him, reported that a man said to the Prophet (saws), “Advise me.” He said, “Do not become angry.” The man repeated his request several times, and each time the Prophet (saws) told him, “Do not become angry.” ( by al-Bukhari)
According to another report, the man said:
“I thought about what the Prophet (saws) said, and I realized that anger combines all kinds of evil.”(Ahmad)

(5) Do not become angry and Paradise will be yours
Remembering what God has promised to the righteous and God-Conscious who keep away from the causes of anger and struggle within themselves to control it, is one of the most effective ways of extinguishing the flames of anger. One of the ahaadeeth that describe the great reward for doing this is:
“Whoever controls his anger at the time when he has the means to act upon it, God will fill his heart with contentment on the Day of Resurrection.” ( al-Tabaraanee)
Another great reward is described in the Prophet’s (saws) words: “Whoever controls his anger at the time when he has the means to act upon it, God will call him before all of mankind on the Day of Resurrection, and will let him choose of the Hoor al-‘Ayn whoever he wants.”( Aboo Daawood).
(6) Knowing the high status and advantages offered to those who control themselves:
The Messenger of God (PBUH) said: “The strong man is not the one who can overpower others (in fighting/wrestling); rather, the strong man is the one who controls himself when he gets angry.” (Reported by Ahmad) . The greater the anger, the higher the status of the one who controls himself. The Prophet (saws) said: “The strongest man is the one who, when he gets angry and his face reddens and his hackles rise, is able to defeat his anger.” (Imam Ahmad)
Anas reported that the Prophet (PBUH) passed by some people who were wrestling. He asked, “What is this?” They said: “So-and-so is the strongest, he can beat anybody.” The Prophet (saws) said, “Shall I not tell you who is even stronger then him? The man who, when he is mistreated by another, controls his anger, has defeated his own Satan and the Satan of the one who made him angry.”( al-Bazzaar, and Ibn Hajr said its isnaad is saheeh.)
(7) Following the Prophet’s (PBUH) example in the case of anger:
The Prophet (PBUH) is our leader and has set the highest example in this matter, as is recorded in a number of Hadiths. One of the most famous was reported by Anas, may Allah be pleased with him, who said: “I was walking with the Messenger of God (PBUH), and he was wearing a Najraanee cloak with a rough collar. A Bedouin came and seized him roughly by the edge of his cloak, and I saw the marks left on his neck by the collar. Then the Bedouin ordered him to give him some of the wealth of God that he had. The Prophet (saws) turned to him and smiled, then ordered that he should be given a gift.”(Agreed upon. Fath al-Baaree, 10/375)
(8) Knowing that resisting anger is one of the signs of righteousness (taqwaa):
The righteous are those praised by God in the Qur’an and by His Messenger (PBUH). Paradise as wide as heaven and earth has been prepared for them. One of their characteristics is that they (interpretation of the meaning) “spend (in the Cause of God) in prosperity and in adversity, [they] repress anger, and [they] pardon men; verily, God loves al-muhsinoon (pious).” [Aal ‘Imraan 3:134]
These are the ones whose good character and beautiful attributes and deeds God has mentioned, and whom people admire and want to emulate. One of their characteristics is that (interpretation of the meaning) “. . . when they are angry, they forgive.” [al-Shooraa 42:47]
(9) Listening to reminders:
Anger is a part of human nature, and people vary in their anger. It may be difficult for a man not to get angry, but sincere people will remember Allah when they are reminded, and they will not overstep the mark. Some examples follow:
Ibn ‘Abbaas (may God be pleased with him) reported that a man sought permission to speak to ‘Umar ibn al-Khattaab who was the Caliph of teh Muslim state , then he said: “O son of al-Khattaab, you are not giving us much and you are not judging fairly between us.” ‘Umar was so angry that he was about to attack the man, but al-Hurr ibn Qays, who was one of those present, said: “O Ameer al-Mu’mineen, God said in his holy book : ‘Show forgiveness, enjoin what is good, and turn away from the foolish’ [al-A‘raaf 7:199]. This man is definitely one of the foolish.” By God, ‘Umar could go no further after al-Hurr had recited this verse to him, and he was a man who was careful to adhere to the Book of God. ( al-Bukhari, al-Fath, 4/304).
(10) Knowing the bad effects of anger:
The negative effects of anger are many; in short they cause damage to one’s own self and to others. The angry person may utter words of slander and obscenity, he may attack others (physically) in an uncontrolled manner, even to the point of killing. The following story contains a valuable lesson:
‘Ilqimah ibn Waa’il reported that his father told him: “I was sitting with the Prophet (PBUH) when a man came to him leading another man by a rope. He said, ‘O Messenger of God, this man killed my brother.’ The Messenger of God (PBUH) asked him, ‘Did you kill him?’ He said, ‘Yes, I killed him.’ He asked, ‘How did you kill him?’ He said, ‘He and I were hitting a tree to make the leaves fall, for animal feed, and he slandered me, so I struck him on the side of the head with an axe, and killed him.’ . . .” (Muslim).
Anger could lead to less than killing, such as wounding and breaking bones. If the one who caused the anger runs away, the angry person turns his anger in on himself, so he may tear his clothes, or strike his cheeks, or have a fit, or fall unconscious, or he may break dishes and plates, or break furniture.
In the worst cases, anger results in social disasters and the breaking of family ties, i.e., divorce. Ask many of those who divorced their wives, and they will tell you: it was in a moment of anger. This divorce results in misery for the children, regret and frustration, a hard and difficult life, all as a result of anger. If they had remembered God, come to their senses, restrained their anger and sought refuge with God, none of this would have happened. Going against the Shari’ah only results in loss.
The damage to health that results from anger can only be described by doctors, such as thrombosis, high blood pressure, tachycardia (abnormally rapid heartbeat) and hyperventilation (rapid, shallow breathing), which can lead to fatal heart attacks, diabetes, etc. We ask God for good health.
(11) The angry person should think about himself during moments of anger:
If the angry person could see himself in the mirror when he is angry, he would hate himself and the way he looks. If he could see the way he changes, and the way his body and limbs shake, how his eyes glare and how out of control and crazy his behavior is, he would despise himself and be revolted by his own appearance. It is well-known that inner ugliness is even worse than outer ugliness; how happy the Satan must be when a person is in this state! We seek refuge with God from the Satan and from failure.
(12) Supplication
Supplication is always the weapon of the believer, whereby he asks God to protect him from evil, trouble and bad behavior and seeks refuge with Him from falling into the pit of disbelief or wrongdoing because of anger. One of the three things that can help save him is: being fair at times of contentment and of anger (Saheeh al-Jaami‘, 3039). One of the supplications of the Prophet (PBUH) was:
“O God, by Your knowledge of the Unseen and Your power over Your creation, keep me alive for as long as You know life is good for me, and cause me to die when You know death is good for me. O God, I ask You to make me fear You in secret and in public, and I ask You to make me speak the truth in times of contentment and of anger. I ask You not to let me be extravagant in poverty or in prosperity. I ask You for continuous blessings, and for contentment that does not end. I ask You to let me accept Your decree, and for a good life after death. I ask You for the joy of seeing Your face and for the longing to meet You, without going through diseases and misguiding trials. O God, adorn us with the adornment of faith and make us among those who are guided. Praise be to God, the Lord of the Worlds.”
Taken from http://www.missionislam.com/family

http://www.the-faith.com/